Answers to some common wedding questions
Dear Jennifer Borgh
We are planning a destination wedding in Jamaica. Most of the resorts we are looking into have a wedding coordinator on site but we feel like we are not getting anywhere and are just getting the run around. Our wedding is less then a year away and we are nervous about planning it when the resorts take so long between emails and phone calls to answer our questions. We thought it would be less stress to plan a destination wedding but the resorts don’t want to deal with anything until we arrive 3 days prior to the wedding. I want to relax before the wedding not start planning!
Rena and Peter
Toronto
Dear Rena and Peter,
Planning a destination wedding can be a lot less stressful; you just need the right wedding planner and travel agent. A travel agency would have their TICO licence (if in Ontario) and be able to get you the best rate, best flights and deal with all of your guests booking. A destination-wedding planner would have the connections established with the resorts and vendors and be able to help you pull together the vision for your day. If you can find a destination-wedding planner who is also with a travel agency then you have the perfect match to help you plan your wedding in Jamaica.
Hope this helps,
Jennifer Borgh
Dear Jennifer Borgh,
We are sitting on the fence on whether to invite children to our wedding. We love kids but think that having kids at our wedding might end the party early for some of the parents. We are also concerned that the party won’t be kid friendly and sitting for the ceremony and speeches might be to boring for them. If we decide not to invite kids then we are concerned that we will offend our friends who are parents. What is the best way to deal with this dilemma?
Chris and Tammy
Dear Chris and Tammy,
To have children or not is always a dilemma from deciding what to do to handling the opinions of others on what you should or shouldn’t have done. It’s your wedding so ultimately you get to decide what you want to do. Having kids at a wedding usually mean the parents have to leave early in the night to put them to bed although not inviting them creates extra coordination for the parents to find a babysitter. This can be especially hard for parents who are travelling far. I would go through your guest list and think about each guest that has children to see what would make both you two happy and the majority of the parents invited.
A few tips if you want to invite children to your wedding:
- Make sure you include their names or “and family” on the invitation. If they are not on the invitation it will be assumed that they are not invited.
- Have activities, craft bags, toys or even a babysitter on hand to keep them busy
- Order kid friendly meals and discuss options with the parents. Kids that are fed are almost always better behaved.
If you DO NOT want to invite children
- Don’t include any option on the invitation to add names or number of guests. Or better yet, ask how many adults will be attending.
- You will still be obligated to invite babies that are breastfeeding. You can’t expect a baby to go a night without food.
- When you have made a decision regarding children, then make it across the oard for all kids (unless they are in the wedding party). People shouldn’t feel as though their kids were the only ones not invited.
-Give guest’s ample warning if kids are not going to be invited so they can plan for childcare.
Hope this helps,
Jennifer Borgh
Dear Jennifer Borgh,
I am starting to get overwhelmed with the planning of my wedding. The wedding is only 167 days away and I have so much to do. I still can’t decide on some of my Photographer, Videographer, and Florist and I especially need a wedding planner on my wedding day to take care of the details. I live in Manitoba, which is unfortunately out of your area. I don’t even know where to start looking for a wedding planner. I have found a lot of Wedding Planners online but how do I know which ones are the best. Help.
Lucy, Winnipeg
Lucy,
There are many outstanding Planners/Coordinators in the wedding industry but it’s important to choose the one that is right for you! Here are a few tips to help you:
Education: An education in wedding planning or events planning is a great asset, especially if they are new in the industry. All courses are different and everyone will have an opinion on which course is best, but any events/wedding education should have taught your Wedding Planner the necessary skills and information that they need. They will have also received a diploma or degree in this field. Your Wedding Planner/Coordinator should also be committed to ongoing education in courses, seminars and training.
Personality: The Wedding Planner/Coordinator that you choose should also choose you! You will be working very closely together for a long time so it is of utmost importance that their personality clicks with both you and your partner’s. Part of your Wedding Planner/Coordinator’s job is to relieve your stress for the day of the wedding and all the time leading up to the wedding so it’s important to make sure that you enjoy their personality.
Reputation: Every business has good and bad things said about them. Just make sure the Wedding Planner/Coordinator that you choose has mostly good things said about them. Talk to other couples and vendors, read articles and do your research! And never book a Wedding Planner/Coordinator that tries to trash another Planner/Coordinator’s business to make them selves look better. The Wedding Planning industry should be a tight knit community working together to achieve a higher level of service for all couples.
Wedding Planning Skills: Most of the skills are natural to good wedding planners. You want to make sure your wedding planner is organized, outgoing, easy to get a long with, and confident.
Experience: Ask for photos from past weddings. Not only does a photo say a thousand words, it will allow you to see the experience they have had as well as well as their style! Asking to see a hard copy portfolio or browsing their website is a great way to see what they have done.
Questions: Make sure your wedding planner can answer your questions! If they don’t know the answer to your question a good wedding planner will do research to make sure to give you the right answer. Wedding planners have a large database of contacts and your wedding planner/coordinator should be able to give you an expert answer to most questions that arise.
Best of luck with your wedding!Hire the right wedding planner and everything else will be great.
Hope this helps,
Jennifer Borgh
Dear Jennifer Borgh, I want my wedding to be about my husband and I and I have some great ideas for some DIY projects. What are the best wedding related DIY projects that you have seen and do you have any advice on taking on such a big task while planning such a big event?
Lauren, Unionville
Lauren,I love DIY(Do it yourself) projects. As you said, it can add some personalized touches. I do however caution you on a few things. You must be able to execute these projects at the same level as a professional would. These projects should never look like a child made them (unless they did;). The other concern is taking on too much. Do not add any unnecessary stress. DIY projects that need to be implemented in the days leading up to the wedding are not a good idea. Unless this is your profession, I would not recommend baking your own cake, cupcakes or doing your own flowers. These things need to be done right before the wedding to get the freshest results and these projects usually add an enormous amount of stress at the last minute when you should be relaxing and taking care of yourself so you look the best on your wedding day.
Hope this helps,
Jennifer Borgh
Dear Jennifer Borgh,
The countdown is on until our wedding and we haven’t yet decided if we should have an open bar. We would love to but the cost of the wedding is going to jump substantially if we do. Most of our friends have had an open bar but haven’t had as many guests as we have had. Is it expected that drinks will be served without being charged?(By the way, love your website)
Elizabeth, Toronto Elizabeth,
Dear Elizabeth,
Your wedding and this decision is completely up to you and your fiancé. Every bride and groom needs to decide how to spend their budget to best achieve the wedding they visualize. I do however have a very strong opinion about this.
Guests are expected to come to a wedding with a gift and although the gift is not supposed to pay for the meal and the beverages, it often covers or exceeds the actual cost. Your wedding should feel inviting and be an extension of your home. Since you don’t charge guests to drink in your home, you should not be charging them at your wedding. My clients all have different sized budgets, but I am happy to say that even with the tightest of budgets, we have always worked creatively to be able to provide an open bar for the guests. Since guests are often giving a gift of $100 each to attend an average wedding in Toronto, it makes it very difficult to ask them to pay for their own drinks on top of that.
There are often difficult and controversial decisions made while planning a wedding and a lot of people will share their opinions on every aspect of the wedding plan, but to me not offering a meal and an open bar is not an option. This decision can disrupt the celebration and cause issues and anger from the guests. If you absolutely cannot afford an open bar then I would suggest telling the guests “no gifts , and also letting them know a head of time so they can be prepared to bring cash to the reception to pay for the drinks. With credit cards and debit, guests often don’t come expecting to need extra money.
Hope this helps,
Jennifer Borgh
Dear Jennifer Borgh,
My boyfriend and I just got engaged and we are thinking about having an engagement party but not sure if it’s necessary. Do most people have one?
Thanks
Maria, Toronto
Maria,
Having an engagement party is optional and not necessary for most couples (although some cultures expect that an engagement party will be part of the pre-wedding activities.
Engagement parties are a great way for both families to get to know each other and another opportunity to celebrate this joyous occasion.
Tips:
- As with a wedding, food and beverages should be served to guests, although a full meal is not expected.
- I strongly suggest inviting only guests that will be invited to the wedding. Otherwise, you may create the expectation of a wedding invite and could be put into a very uncomfortable position when they ask where their invitation is.
- Couples should not expect gifts (although guest may bring gifts) and no registration for gifts or mention of gifts should be made.
Hope this helps
Jennifer Borgh
Dear Jennifer Borgh, I can hardly contain my excitement. My boyfriend proposed after 5 years of dating and we are in the midst of planning our wedding. It’s all I can think about. Most of my friends are married and I have been helpful and excited for each of them when it was their turn. I am really upset that one of my very good friends brings only negative comments to me. She wouldn’t do this or that, she wouldn’t bother with a wedding, she hates this or that about weddings. I wanted to ask her to be in my wedding party but have been avoiding her and her negativity. What should I do?
Anne, Markham
Dear Anne,
The excitement of getting engaged can make some couples very emotional. Most brides can’t stop talking about their wedding and it can consume all conversations. If you find yourself doing this then hiring a wedding planner to discuss ALL the details can be helpful. Couples should be prepared for many different reactions from their friends and families. I find myself consoling many couples when they didn’t get the reaction that they were expecting. There always seems to be at least one envious person who is less then excited about the engagement. Depending on your personality, it can be a good idea to be understanding of how they are feeling and not take it personally. They may come around. This may also be a good time to re-evaluate your relationship with them if they are bringing only negative feelings to you.
Hope this helps,
Jennifer Borgh
Dear Jennifer Borgh,
I really want to plan my wedding for next summer but not sure if we have enough money to pull it off. My soon to be mother in law has a beautiful backyard and has offered to host the wedding there if we want to install a tent. I have no idea how much a tent would cost and was wondering if a backyard wedding could still be incredible while spending less then other venues.
Tanya, Woodbridge
Dear Tanya,
Summer backyard weddings can be really beautiful, especially if you already have a nice garden and landscaping as a backdrop. It may not be as cost effective as you think when you compare it to other possible venues. Once you add up the chair rental, table rental, linens, catering, catering tent (if needed), extra portable toilets(especially if you get he luxury ones), tent, lighting, and dance floor it can all add up. With a lot of venues these items are already included in the cost. Although one way to save money is to have a casual tented wedding with hors d’oeuvres and a few high top tables and a few chairs or stools. Once you plan a sit down meal the costs can add up quickly.
Booking a consultation with a wedding planner is a great way to figure out your budget and see if it’s possible to plan the wedding of your dreams with the numbers you have.
I hope this helps.
Jennifer Borgh
Dear Jennifer Borgh,
My fiance and I are getting married this summer. We have lived together for years and already have an apartment full of housewares. We have worked hard to save for our wedding and could really use money instead of gifts. Is it rude to print “monetary gifts prefered” on the invitations?
Thanks
Simone, Toronto
Dear Simone,
“Monetary gifts only”, “registered at the bank” or “money preferred” should NEVER be on an invitation. Everyone is well aware that most couples prefer cash (Although my husband and I did receive some amazing personalized gifts that I would much rather have then cash). Guests should never feel obligated to give you money as a wedding gift. In a perfect world couples would be showered with money and have enough to pay for the wedding and a down payment on a house but in reality this doesn’t always happen. I always advise my couples not to count on potential gifts to pay for anything. Are you inviting guests to your wedding to make money or are you inviting them because you care that they attend and share in this day with you? Also, consider how they will feel if they don’t have a lot of money to give you as a gift. They might be out of a job or be a single parent. Let people give what they can afford to give and what makes them comfortable. Don’t lose sight of the true purpose of the day.
Hope this helps,
Jennifer Borgh
